Kind of like that song sung by the Boomtown Rats, I don’t like Mondays, I really do want to shoot the whole day down. It used to be Thursdays I couldn’t get the hang of, then Tuesdays. But now it is most definitely Mondays that are out to get me. In honor of the misery of Mondays I now present Part 2 of my seven-part tirade, my salute to lying. There is some thinking that the more popular the person, the better the liar. Seems to suggest that one should be very careful if you want to date Mr. or Ms. Popularity. And yet, I think it is one of life’s great equalities that anyone can turn out to be a lying tart.
Refresh Yourself–Part 2:
An Ode to Liars
People lie. Maybe I have seen too many episodes of House, but it seems that no matter how honest we like to think we are, we spend our lives consciously and unconsciously misleading and lying. Don’t think so? We pad our resumes, we pad our bras, we cover our pimples, we comb over our bald spots, we suck in our bellies. We tell people we are fine when we feel crappy, we say we don’t care when all our hopes are riding on something. We smile and say how nice a person’s friends and family are when we can’t stand them, or say that no, even though the pants fit like sausage casings they, miraculously, don’t make you look fat. We say we are too busy to do things when we simply don’t want to do them. We say we have a headache rather than saying, “Not tonight.” We say 5 to 10 miles over the limit isn’t speeding. We say all relationships have problems so it’s okay if we fight all the time. We say she really is working late even if we find hotel receipts. We say he loves me even if he puts me down in front of other people. We say a lot of things that aren’t true.
All this lying and misleading isn’t necessarily to con someone so much as to gain acceptance, avoid hurting others, or avoid hurting ourselves. We want to be liked, to not seem as insecure or unhappy or unlovable as we may feel. We want to think we are normal. Half the time we are lying to ourselves as much as the rest of the world.
Therefore, in a dating situation where both parties are eager to please and show themselves off to their best advantage, it is a pretty fair guess that the truth can be a casualty. The truth won’t necessarily take two in the head and end up floating face-down in the river, but it will probably get roughed up and, occasionally, bitch-slapped. Why? Because we want to put our best self forward, the self we like to think, deep down, we can be. Because we are afraid if people see us in all our crazy and imperfect glory they won’t love us or even like us.
So, for the love of all that’s holy, weigh what you’re hearing from your special someone against commonsense and what you know to be true. And repeat the process on yourself—we lie to ourselves as much as we lie to others. For example, if the person staring so longingly into your eyes just got out of a long-term relationship last week, it is a good idea to question if she is really as ready to commit to you as she’s saying. Wishing something is true isn’t the same as it being true—a sad fact that will come out in the end.
Thanks again for reading and join us next Monday for Part 3, a look at cheating and just how screwed up that leaves people, or as I like to think of it, damaged for a long-ass time.